Last month I took a vacation. Well, that was the plan anyway, but it ended up being more of a pause on work while I dealt with a ton of medical problems.
It all started last year, when I decided I would finally track down the cause of my persistent cough (which I get when I wake up and after meals). An attempt to narrow it down in 2018 was unsatisfactory — I was basically told “you need to lose weight and eat bland food, here’s a bill for several thousand dollars” — but the cough got so bad I wanted to finally sort out a proper answer. After a few dead ends, I recently got referred to a consultant (which is the equivalent of a specialist in US healthcare), and he wanted to do an endoscopy, which required a brief hospital visit, sedation, and all that. Not an overnight stay, but certainly a procedure that required me to take a day off. I had planned to take a week off in November anyhow, so it worked out well that I could schedule it for early during my break.
Except that, in the midst of all this, I got an ear infection.
Now, I have had problems with my ears all my life, which is why I have a bone-anchored hearing aid. I get ear infections once in a while, so I’m used to them, but this one was being persistent. Again, I was pretty quickly referred to a consultant, and after looking in my ear and cleaning out the debris, he gave me a prescription for ear drops on the spot and suggested that this might be serious. After the ear drops failed to stop the infection, I was sent for a CT scan. So those appointments ate up what remained of my vacation. I’m heading back today to find out the results of the scan, but there’s a real chance I’ll have to have surgery, which means more time off work.
Hilariously, behind the scenes I’m getting more work offers than normal and some projects are moving ahead soon, so it’s not a great time to take off work. But when a doctor says things like “we need to make a decision soon” and his letters have notes like “this letter is unsigned to expedite delivery,” I can’t sit and wait on this. Just, you know, maybe the other medical thing I’m dealing with can wait for a bit.
On top of all this, because of the nature of the investigations involved, I had to go to private practice for all of this. I do have medical cover (insurance, basically) via my wife’s job, but as usual my ears aren’t covered because something something pre-existing condition. I could move my case back to the NHS, which is free, but that would require waiting for a very long time, and… well, I might not have that kind of time. So, you know, money would be nice to have.
I’m complaining about my health because it’s an important part of being a self-employed freelancer. To be blunt, I am my business in every sense, so if I can’t work, I don’t have a business. Moving to the UK from the US alleviated a lot of the financial burden from being disabled, to be sure, but it’s not entirely removed. Plus, even if everything were 100% free (and I’m definitely investigating what I can and can’t do on that front), I rarely get paid time off. A lot of the time time off means the difference between me getting a client and me not getting a client. Yes, I’m out of the negative feedback loop of “can’t afford medical care so I can’t work so I can’t afford medical care,” but it’s still a hit.
As a result, my vacation wasn’t as recharging as I’d hoped, although it was better than nothing. Normally my health stuff is just something that goes on in the background, just another factor of being a disabled person. But this particular confluence of events really reminded me of some of the downsides of being self-employed.
News
Not a lot to talk about this month due to… well, everything above.
My Curseborne actual play with Red Moon Roleplaying is nearing completion. “Suffer My Sins” was a lot of fun to play, and the folks at RMR as to fantastic and putting together exciting, intriguing stories and making them sound amazing. You can find it in the usual places podcasts are found, but they also have a YouTube playlist up if you prefer that.
I might also be doing more with Red Moon Roleplaying in future. Stay tuned….
Today is the last day to get a whole bunch of Pugmire stuff on sale from DriveThruRPG! You can find links via my website at realmsofpugmire.com, or you can go directly to the Pugmire storefront at DTR.
There are a lot of other things bubbling along, but nothing I can really talk about in any detail. Stay subscribed!
My Media
Just because my vacation got eaten up with doctor’s visits and tests doesn’t mean I didn’t get any relaxation done. I spent most of my free time tearing through Doctor Who: The Writer’s Tale: The Final Chapter.
It’s well over a decade old, but I had originally avoided it because I thought it was either a book of writing advice or a book about the behind-the-scenes production of Doctor Who, and honestly I’ve read a lot of both. However, since November 23rd is Doctor Who Day, someone mentioned leading up to it that the book is actually a transcription of the emails (and occasional text messages and interviews) between the showrunner Russell T Davies and Doctor Who Magazine journalist Benjamin Cook. So I found a used copy and picked it up.
First off, it’s huge. Over 700 pages long! And yet I ripped through it in about a week, because it’s an honest and open look into Russell’s anxieties, stress, and struggles with being a writer. It’s a very real look at the realities of being a writer, even someone who was arguably on top of the sci-fi world at the time. It’s not writing advice; if anything, it’s anti-advice, as Russell does things like wait until the deadline has expired to start writing and then complains at himself for waiting so long to get started. (Which reminds me of this Douglas Adams’ quote.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Honestly, reading this book has been helping me. Not for its advice — dear god, just about everything about Russell’s actual process is the absolute opposite of how I work — but rather because it helped me to realise I’m not alone. As much as I intellectually understand that many writers share things like imposter syndrome, frustrations with getting a manuscript to cooperate, or the sheer terror of the blank page, seeing someone not only talk about it but continually engage with it for over 18 months of time was heartening. It reminded me that this is a strange path I’ve chosen for myself, and even when there are roadblocks in the way, I wouldn’t be doing anything else.
So there you go. Not my usual “wow this is a fun thing,” and rather a somber note all around this month, but I always promised myself I would be as honest as I could be in these, to give people a better look at what freelance life is like.
That’s it for this month, I think. Have a happy holiday however you celebrate (or if you do), and I’ll see you all again in 2025, hopefully healthier and busier than ever!